The Cat In The Hat
I miss her.
I wasn't ready for her to leave, but at the same time I don't think I ever will be. I tried crying when we coronated her, I tried crying when we had the group hug, I tried crying when we were leaving Sophie's house. The tears wouldn't come, and I kicked myself for not being able to feel sad that some one so important to me and everyone around me was leaving, and I didn't know when I would see her again.
And then Nikki dropped me off at my house, and I got one last hug from her. And that was all that I needed. I started shaking, I struggled to speak. I know I'm going to see her again, I know we'll be able to stay in touch, I know that we'll stay friends, but at that point I was sure I was losing part of my family that I could never get back, and that thought came at me relentlessly.
One of the last images I have of her is her telling me to stop crying and I couldn't really see her because it was dark out. That makes me smile and feel selfish at the same time. I don't think I want her parting image of me to be seeing me in an emotional wreck. I should have been waving all the time that they were driving away, but I couldn't control myself, and buried my face into my hands and wept, sitting on the concrete wall as they left.
I only have to say goodbye to her. She has to say goodbye to an entire country and the people who over the last year have taken her in and called her their own. She has to leave all that. And yet she was the one telling me to stop crying. I still smile about the irony.
We'll see her again. Of this I'm sure.
posted by Unknown @ 12:56 AM
2 Comments:
Brilliantly said, Ivan. At the party there were a couple of very somber moments as I remembered how much I would desperately miss her, but the tears didn't come until I woke up the next morning and looked at the clock. It was 8:44 I think, and I remember that because I knew her train left at 8:45. And I felt very numb and confused. I mean, Rachel couldn't be gone just like that! Which of course I agree with Ivan in thinking June 18th wasn't the end of our friendship in the least. Anyway, once one tear broke I really couldn't put a harness on it. Just one mention and I'd mist up again. Haha. Man Rachel was so fantastic. I'm so glad she's a Regular.
I cried to. Maybe not because i wouldnt see her again for possibly a long long time but because i remembered all the good things we had. I remember the day of prom rachel forgetting her tickets or holding a thing of grapes as a pair of earings. Or the anatomy study sessions. lol. there was so much she taught us and so much she gave to us. I was backpacking this last weekend and i kept thinking how great it would have been and how much rachel would have liked it if she had had the chance to come along. I remember her stupid (but wonderful) ideas for remembering certian parts of the human anatomy and i remember watchign movies with ehr and going out dancing. I am so happy she came and i am really going to miss her but we all have to realize that if she hadnt have left we would have never fully appreciated our experiances and friendship that we have had and will have with her.
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